Dear Nephew:

It is with great respect in which I write you this letter. I know that it will be viewed on a national stage. All with the hope of embarrassing you to no end.

You were once my favorite nephew, Paul. I had so much hope for your future. That you’d establish yourself as a man representing the people. All of the people. Not just someone’s bullshit political agenda. I didn’t help you get into politics so that you could sign up for this. Your budget proposals are a travesty. Your comments about the president and your colleagues are repulsive. You, Paul, are a disgrace to everything I’ve stood for for the past 40 years!

What are your excuses for taking from the poor and giving to the rich? Deficits, debt, big government? No. These are problems created by you and your cronies, by men who dishonored the highest of offices to take food off of ordinary people’s tables. I worked for some of those men. I’m ashamed to see that you’ve become one of them, you sick son of a bitch!

I know that you have your mother and that brother of mine fooled with your claptrap right-wing ideas about government entitlements, trickle-down economics and sacrosanct military spending. Don’t even think about playing that game with me. I will not let you dishonor this country by pretending you have an ideology that cares about ordinary people.

You know, it’s been my experience that sometimes things happen in the heat of the moments. You do or say things that you haven’t had time to process. Like with me and those IRA terrorists all those years ago. “I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking” was my excuse. It might’ve been just that simple, yes. At least for me. But not for you. You’ve turned my favorite saying “it is wise to study the ways of ones adversary” into an abomination. You’re ideas will bankrupt the country, just as you have bankrupted yourself.

Of course, Paul, you say, “No, no, no!” You say, “Uncle Jack, it’s not about hurting people. It’s about preserving America’s future, making America great again.” That’s bullshit! All of your ideas are about discarding ordinary people, because somehow, a government that helps ordinary people is evil. This time, I say no, no no! Paul, you try to make every issue black and white, including the budget. Well, it’s not black and white Paul. There’s right and wrong! Nephew, you are clearly wrong.

I once worked for a president who tried to throw me and every person who worked for him under a bus. Just like you’re trying to do with 300 million Americans. He tried to convince me to do “the ol’ Potomac two-step.” I said to him, “I’m sorry, Mr. President, I don’t dance.” You Paul, are an expert dancer, but I’m not dancing with you, either.

With Tough Love,
Uncle Jack