Since the allegedly sexually harassing, racism and classism denying, Republican presidential candidate leader of the moment Herman Cain likes to sing, I decided to make a short list of Cain’s greatest hits. Trust me, they’re all doozies. They draw on the experiences of a man about as in touch with average Americans as Marie Antoinette was with French peasants on the eve of the French Revolution.
1. “The Way It Is” (1986) — Bruce Hornsby and The Range: Here, he puts special emphasis on the line, “Just for fun he says, ‘Get a job!,” not out of sarcasm, but out of sincerity.
2. “Another Day In Paradise” (1989) — Phil Collins: Cain tries to get a bit of social consciousness, at least, in emphathizing with “the man on the street,” the poor guy subjected to a worn-out homeless women begging for help.
She calls out to the man on the street
“Sir, can you help me?
It’s cold and I’ve nowhere to sleep
Is there somewhere you can tell me?”
He walks on, doesn’t look back
He pretends he can’t hear her
He starts to whistle as he crosses the street
She’s embarrassed to be there
The real test with this song would be whether Cain’s whistling is as good as his crooning.
3. “O.P.P.” (1991) — Naughty By Nature: Here Cain would need help from ex-RNC head Michael Steele to get his rap game together, as well as from Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas in interpreting the sexual laden lyrics. But in light of the accusations — and in Justice Thomas’ case, evidence — of sexual harassment and general insensitivity of Cain, Steele and Thomas, figuring out “who’s down with O.P.P.?” is an appropriate question in their bubble.
4. “Cigarettes And Coffee” (1966) — Otis Redding: Cain’s tribute to his campaign manager in his recent commercial as he slows down the pace a bit. “And please, darling, help me smoke this one more cigarette,” Cain baritones to Mark Block.
5. “Ain’t That A Kick In The Head” (1960) — Dean Martin: Cain’s theme song for his campaign. The main lyrical refrain for him would be as much about his rise to the top of the Republican heap as it would be about the people he’s stereotyped, vilified, denigrated and ultimately exploited over the course of his career and campaign.
My head keeps spinning;
I go to sleep and keep grinning;
If this is just the beginning,
My life’s gonna be beautiful.
I’ve sun- shine enough to spread;
It’s like the fella said…
“Ain’t [I] like a kick in the head?” And the 99 percent of us say, “Hell, yeah, where’s the aspirin?”